That Homeless Man Was Mighty Subject to Curiosity

"HOMELESS MAN ATTACKS A BUNCH OF KIDS AND IT WAS TERRIBLE AND SO BAD THEY ALMOST DIED."

Like any Friday night, I was walking through campus to a nearby house with two friends of mine. We were walking down the sidewalk on a slightly-shady street when we encountered a homeless man on drugs with a plastic crate of weird papers in his hand. He had a winter cap and a sleeveless shirt on, which revealed his arms to be covered in what seemed like Hebrew inscriptions written in Sharpie marker. He started speaking to us in garbled rambling about how he was part of some "Jewish cult," and we tried to understand while walking, before finally asking "what's up." I told him I was doing well, and asked him the same. We then started speeding along, because all of us were a tad bit scared. He then randomly asked where the nearest 7-11 was, and all three of us pointed in a similar direction. He thanked us and then went on his way. However, he started talking to himself as he walked. In fact, as we tried to listen, we noticed he was talking to himself in three different but equally demonic voices, including his own. This was kind of freaky to hear at 10pm on a Friday night. It was dark out and the drug-induced homeless savage was saying weird, garbled demonic phrases like "Spider House is crushed," among other things that have no context on any plane of reality you and I might be on. Just a few minutes after, I cursed myself for not filming an interview with this man; he probably had some intense knowledge that would've been interesting on camera. I went searching after him, through alley ways and convenience stores like 7-11, but I never found him. My friends were scared of him and I was fearfully curious of what his mind might entail. This man had complete disregard for society's regulations, and for the rules that keep people that have psychopathic tendencies like him in check. Kind of like Obama?

Society has rejects and mentally ill people. Would a schizophrenic homeless Jewish cultist be a mentally ill reject of society? Until I come across this man again, I will never know what is going on inside his head. Does he think he is a reject? Because isn't your place in society what you make it, since there isn't a person that determines that for anyone? I hope to one day find him and ask him for his background, because there must be some explanation for where he is now. One can only wonder. I wish I had a picture of him.

The Aesthetics of the Tea Serving Scene in "Bronson"

The 2008 pseudo-biopic movie "Bronson" starring Tom Hardy is definitely a movie that I appreciate more than most. It is mostly nonfictional and is definitely hilarious. One of my favorite scenes in the movie is the Tea Serving Scene, I recommend you at least watch it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VZwNVFq_rU. The way that the scene is performed by the actors involved makes for a tacit and wildly brilliant scene in the movie, with a humorous tone that arises from the performances by the actors, in a very subtle way. I want to break down this scene since not only did the new Tom Hardy move "Mad Max: Fury Road" come out today, and I would love to promote a good Tom Hardy movie for people, but also because I want to show the brilliance of this film because it really is a brilliant movie, that everyone should watch at some point. It's socially significant and is also really great.

The scene starts with "Charles Bronson," the main character's pseudonym, entering a room while pushing a cart with tea and tea accessories on it. There is only a prison guard in the room at the time.

Charles Bronson: Would you like a cup of tea, mate?

I love how he says this; the accent is perfect.

Prison Guard: Thanks, Mickey, I'd love one.

It's funny how the prison guard actually knows Bronson by name. This is probably because at this point Mickey Peterson AKA Charles Bronson is already known as "Britian's Most Violent Prisoner." Bronson has probably beaten up many guards at the prison he is in, possibly including some of this particular guard's friends, or maybe even him. They all know Bronson, and probably not because of anything good.

Bronson: Milk and sugar?
Guard:Please.

The prison guard sounds so subtly desperate for the milk and sugar. I'm almost unsure on how the tone of his voice is supposed to reflect his mood. He almost sounds fed up with his work, at the moment.

Bronson: How many sugars?
Guard:Two.
Bronson: Two ...

At this point in the scene, a character that is later known as "Paul Daniels" enters the room as he sings a song about tea while smoking a cigarette like he is a tobacco connoisseur.

Paul: Picture you upon my knee,
Tea for two
and two for tea,
Just me for you and you for me ...
Da, da...
Bronson:And would you like a cup of tea too mate?


I love Hardy's line delivery; Bronson can tell that this man is probably indirectly asking for a cup of tea. Bronson loathes indirectness, and is probably the bluntest character in the movie, and maybe the bluntest man in Britain.

Paul: Nothing closer to my heart than a cup of English Cha.

This is my favorite line in the whole scene. The way he says it, *mph*, it's delicious.

Bronson: Sugar and milk?
Paul: No, I like it dark.

Matt King (the actor who portrays Paul Daniels) continues to perform in this raspy voice that is uncomfortably soothing and is generally humorous to listen to.

Paul [cont.]: That's an impressive set of guns you have there,
you must be handy in a brawl.
Bam! Bam! Knock-out ...
Ding Ding ...
Very Nice.

These lines are not only still funny to listen to, they also foreshadow a later part of the movie. Paul's social etiquette is hilarious in itself, and really ties this scene together, like the rug in The Dude's room in The Big Lebowski.

For anyone who likes Tom Hardy, I recommend this movie. It is a bit weird, a bit disturbing and is very good. The acting is fantastic and anyone who loves a good British brawl will enjoy "Bronson."

Niko Wood and Daniel Wallach: A Legendary Feud

Niko Wood is an underground rapper and freshman at Austin High School. He is a staff writer for the Maroon Newspaper, with zero published news stories. His lifestyle is heavy on contemporary angst and profanity. He has yet to find a true purpose in life. "Ya know, just trying to make money," Wood said. "But my main goal is to destroy Daniel Wallach."

Daniel Wallach is probably not a rapper, and a senior at Austin High School. He is the head editor of the Maroon Newspaper, with too many published news stories. His lifestyle is heavy on wearing his Grandfather's hand-me-downs, and that's it. His true purpose in life is not really a purpose, and he failed to answer the question. "Capri Sun is pretty good," Wallach commented. "My favorite color is grape. Wu-Tang is dumb, except for the members U-God, DMX and Xzibit!"

"I started beefing with Daniel after he dissed the Wu," Wood said. "He told me this whack story about going to a Wu-Tang joint, and laughing at the members. **** on my ****!"


"I never dissed the Wu," Wallach said. "And if you say I did, please don't publish this. I don't want to get killed by the Beez."

Wood and Wallach have kept beefing for multiple months, although Wood takes it more seriously than his foe. While Wood is very open to his thoughts on Wallach, Daniel does not respond to any of our faxes or morse code messages.

"Daniel is a ******* ***, to think he can **** on this ******* world is a understatement. I'm gonna **** on his **** and make him **** ** *** *********. **** on my ****! WU-TANG, PEACE TO ALL THE SHAOLINS!"

Our Morse code messages are still rotting under Daniel Wallach's house, so we went to Galaxy Cafe to confront him. Unfortunately, we brought Niko with us, and he had a pistol. Upon entering the cafe, multiple shots were fired at Daniel, and two hit him in the chest. For some reason, he was wearing a bullet proof vest. Suddenly, a man by the name of "Xzibit" got up to shoot at Niko, but his gun was jammed and was empty. As he tried to fill his water gun in the sink, Niko yelled out a Puerto Rican tribal call, and suddenly multiple members of the Wu-Tang Clan came to his side. Only Wu-Tang Clan member "U-God" came to Daniel's side. Unfortunately, the police arrived to the scene with multiple SWAT cars, but after Obi-Wan Kenobi told the police that these rappers weren't the "MC's they were looking for," the police left. My journalism crew left as well, so we are unsure of how the event went down.

At press time, Niko Wood and Daniel Wallach are still angry at each other.

NAPE Testing And The Conspiracy

So I'm doing an article for my school newspaper about NAPE, which is a standardized test that select students complete, in order to create templates for the whole student body to do. It's sort of like a Nielsen Family kind of thing, I think. I tried to research NAPE online, and I eventually found documents on the subject, but I also found out what NAPE is really doing to our students...

The word "nape" actually means "the back of the neck." Apparently I'm one of the only people that didn't know that. The nape is the part of the body that adult mammals like cats will grab or bite the nape of their younger kin, and carry them around.

That's what I mean, sorry if I didn't make sense.

Anyway, are school districts treating us as their "young children," forcefully grabbing us at the scruff of the neck by their teeth and carrying us around? I might just be thinking about it too hard. Maybe I should go actually write my article.

#FreeBarrettBrown

Barrett Brown was recently given five years in prison for posting a link to hacker documents, among other charges. He did not even associate with the hackers involved nor did he participate in the hacking, but merely posted the link to a chat board, for journalistic purposes. Apparently, "reporting the truth is criminal." After he plead guilty for multiple charges, including threatening an FBI agent and publishing illegal documents, he was given 62 months in prison yesterday, and the court stated that if you publish material that is linked to illegal hacking, you are liable for what you post and can be pinned as an accessory to the hackers. This prevents many outlets of journalism on hackers and possibly prevents citizens from being protected by hackers who perform identity theft and other crimes. Kind of sounds like a George Orwell dystopian novel, in my opinion.

My mom is making a documentary on him, and the numerous instances of unconstitutional hypocrisy that was performed in this fiasco. Multiple groups of people have formed movements to release Barrett Brown and bring him to justice. This new statement about publishing links to hacker material is devastating to the Internet community, and to our 1st Amendment. The court didn't even give Barrett Brown back his copy of the Declaration of Independence that they seized from him. Maybe they'll finally read it.

#FreeBarrettBrown