Niko Wood is an underground rapper and freshman at Austin High School. He is a staff writer for the Maroon Newspaper, with zero published news stories. His lifestyle is heavy on contemporary angst and profanity. He has yet to find a true purpose in life. "Ya know, just trying to make money," Wood said. "But my main goal is to destroy Daniel Wallach."
Daniel Wallach is probably not a rapper, and a senior at Austin High School. He is the head editor of the Maroon Newspaper, with too many published news stories. His lifestyle is heavy on wearing his Grandfather's hand-me-downs, and that's it. His true purpose in life is not really a purpose, and he failed to answer the question. "Capri Sun is pretty good," Wallach commented. "My favorite color is grape. Wu-Tang is dumb, except for the members U-God, DMX and Xzibit!"
"I started beefing with Daniel after he dissed the Wu," Wood said. "He told me this whack story about going to a Wu-Tang joint, and laughing at the members. **** on my ****!"
"I never dissed the Wu," Wallach said. "And if you say I did, please don't publish this. I don't want to get killed by the Beez."
Wood and Wallach have kept beefing for multiple months, although Wood takes it more seriously than his foe. While Wood is very open to his thoughts on Wallach, Daniel does not respond to any of our faxes or morse code messages.
"Daniel is a ******* ***, to think he can **** on this ******* world is a understatement. I'm gonna **** on his **** and make him **** ** *** *********. **** on my ****! WU-TANG, PEACE TO ALL THE SHAOLINS!"
Our Morse code messages are still rotting under Daniel Wallach's house, so we went to Galaxy Cafe to confront him. Unfortunately, we brought Niko with us, and he had a pistol. Upon entering the cafe, multiple shots were fired at Daniel, and two hit him in the chest. For some reason, he was wearing a bullet proof vest. Suddenly, a man by the name of "Xzibit" got up to shoot at Niko, but his gun was jammed and was empty. As he tried to fill his water gun in the sink, Niko yelled out a Puerto Rican tribal call, and suddenly multiple members of the Wu-Tang Clan came to his side. Only Wu-Tang Clan member "U-God" came to Daniel's side. Unfortunately, the police arrived to the scene with multiple SWAT cars, but after Obi-Wan Kenobi told the police that these rappers weren't the "MC's they were looking for," the police left. My journalism crew left as well, so we are unsure of how the event went down.
At press time, Niko Wood and Daniel Wallach are still angry at each other.
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