Niko Wood and Daniel Wallach: A Legendary Feud

Niko Wood is an underground rapper and freshman at Austin High School. He is a staff writer for the Maroon Newspaper, with zero published news stories. His lifestyle is heavy on contemporary angst and profanity. He has yet to find a true purpose in life. "Ya know, just trying to make money," Wood said. "But my main goal is to destroy Daniel Wallach."

Daniel Wallach is probably not a rapper, and a senior at Austin High School. He is the head editor of the Maroon Newspaper, with too many published news stories. His lifestyle is heavy on wearing his Grandfather's hand-me-downs, and that's it. His true purpose in life is not really a purpose, and he failed to answer the question. "Capri Sun is pretty good," Wallach commented. "My favorite color is grape. Wu-Tang is dumb, except for the members U-God, DMX and Xzibit!"

"I started beefing with Daniel after he dissed the Wu," Wood said. "He told me this whack story about going to a Wu-Tang joint, and laughing at the members. **** on my ****!"


"I never dissed the Wu," Wallach said. "And if you say I did, please don't publish this. I don't want to get killed by the Beez."

Wood and Wallach have kept beefing for multiple months, although Wood takes it more seriously than his foe. While Wood is very open to his thoughts on Wallach, Daniel does not respond to any of our faxes or morse code messages.

"Daniel is a ******* ***, to think he can **** on this ******* world is a understatement. I'm gonna **** on his **** and make him **** ** *** *********. **** on my ****! WU-TANG, PEACE TO ALL THE SHAOLINS!"

Our Morse code messages are still rotting under Daniel Wallach's house, so we went to Galaxy Cafe to confront him. Unfortunately, we brought Niko with us, and he had a pistol. Upon entering the cafe, multiple shots were fired at Daniel, and two hit him in the chest. For some reason, he was wearing a bullet proof vest. Suddenly, a man by the name of "Xzibit" got up to shoot at Niko, but his gun was jammed and was empty. As he tried to fill his water gun in the sink, Niko yelled out a Puerto Rican tribal call, and suddenly multiple members of the Wu-Tang Clan came to his side. Only Wu-Tang Clan member "U-God" came to Daniel's side. Unfortunately, the police arrived to the scene with multiple SWAT cars, but after Obi-Wan Kenobi told the police that these rappers weren't the "MC's they were looking for," the police left. My journalism crew left as well, so we are unsure of how the event went down.

At press time, Niko Wood and Daniel Wallach are still angry at each other.

NAPE Testing And The Conspiracy

So I'm doing an article for my school newspaper about NAPE, which is a standardized test that select students complete, in order to create templates for the whole student body to do. It's sort of like a Nielsen Family kind of thing, I think. I tried to research NAPE online, and I eventually found documents on the subject, but I also found out what NAPE is really doing to our students...

The word "nape" actually means "the back of the neck." Apparently I'm one of the only people that didn't know that. The nape is the part of the body that adult mammals like cats will grab or bite the nape of their younger kin, and carry them around.

That's what I mean, sorry if I didn't make sense.

Anyway, are school districts treating us as their "young children," forcefully grabbing us at the scruff of the neck by their teeth and carrying us around? I might just be thinking about it too hard. Maybe I should go actually write my article.

#FreeBarrettBrown

Barrett Brown was recently given five years in prison for posting a link to hacker documents, among other charges. He did not even associate with the hackers involved nor did he participate in the hacking, but merely posted the link to a chat board, for journalistic purposes. Apparently, "reporting the truth is criminal." After he plead guilty for multiple charges, including threatening an FBI agent and publishing illegal documents, he was given 62 months in prison yesterday, and the court stated that if you publish material that is linked to illegal hacking, you are liable for what you post and can be pinned as an accessory to the hackers. This prevents many outlets of journalism on hackers and possibly prevents citizens from being protected by hackers who perform identity theft and other crimes. Kind of sounds like a George Orwell dystopian novel, in my opinion.

My mom is making a documentary on him, and the numerous instances of unconstitutional hypocrisy that was performed in this fiasco. Multiple groups of people have formed movements to release Barrett Brown and bring him to justice. This new statement about publishing links to hacker material is devastating to the Internet community, and to our 1st Amendment. The court didn't even give Barrett Brown back his copy of the Declaration of Independence that they seized from him. Maybe they'll finally read it.

#FreeBarrettBrown

Weekend Plans: November 21-23 Edition

This weekend, I'm having some friends over to make a movie. Making movies has always been something I've enjoyed doing, but I haven't had time to do it recently so I can't wait to get back into it. After discussing ideas with my friends, we came upon a story idea, and I started writing the script. They're coming over tomorrow and we're going to start filming. I already have all the costumes and props at my house, so I'm ready to film. I'm also seeing the movie "Interstellar," and I can't wait for that either. I saw the trailer and it looks right up my alley!

The Interesting Specs of Detroit Culture: Surreal Estate and Underground Hip-Hop

If I had the choice to move to the Motor City of Detroit, Michigan, I would probably say no. I would love to visit, regardless of the city ranking number one on the top ten most dangerous cities in America.
It would be easy to get a house in Detroit though. Look up Detroit Real Estate, I guarantee that you will find homes for under 1,000 dollars. Seems like a good investment. However, these foreclosed and abandoned homes are stripped off almost all of the necessities by thieves. Most Detroit homes for sale have boarded up windows, horrible structure, and usually need a new roof. No one would be surprised if they found squatters in a foreclosed Detroit house. Regardless, I still kind of want to buy a dilapidated house with four bedrooms and half a bathroom for $800.
Another cool aspect of Detroit culture is the music. Lots of hip-hop artists came from Detroit. Of course, everyone knows the Real Slim Shady grew up in Detroit. But not many people know of his earlier solo and group albums, including his debut album, "Infinite", released in 1996, and his first EP, "Slim Shady EP", released in 1997, which is known for being the first album where Eminem portrays his insane alter-ego Slim Shady. Multiple tracks from the Slim Shady EP ended up being placed as tracks on the Slim Shady LP, Eminem's breakout album which was produced by Dr.Dre. There are some even more obscure tracks of Eminem from 1988-1995, when he was a member of the now-defunct and deeply underground rap group "Soul Intent".

Eminem sitting in front of his dilapidated childhood home in Detroit.

Another group that Eminem is a member of is D12, which was underground until 2001, when they dropped their first album under a label. They've made one other studio album and several mixtapes since then. The group is still a bit underground, but received media attention in the early 2000's since Eminem is a member.
Other rappers from Detroit are Xzibit and Obie Trice, who are both affiliated to Eminem and Dre. Technically, the horrorcore rap duo Insane Clown Posse also comes from Detroit, but no one likes them and no one recommends them.

Fear and Loathing at ACL: A Quest for Some Eminem

I went to ACL last night, and it was literally the best night in my life. I didn't have twinkies though, but that's okay. Nothing could have made the night better. Mr. Mathers played all of my favorite songs, even titles that I would like to say on here but I can't because they're inappropriate. He did not forget about his older albums obviously, and that's awesome. I even got a cool shirt, and my crew pass did absolutely nothing except make all of my friends think I could go backstage. I couldn't. I was gonna get this hawt Iggy Azelea shirt, because I thought it could pick up chicks. I didn't buy it and I haven't picked up any chicks so maybe I should've bought it. In all seriousness, I have never had as much fun as I did at ACL.

Newspaper blog test.

ACL fun